No, Sexism! Bad Sexism!
Today, in my Law of Professional Sports class, we split into groups according to our "law firms" and had mock negotiations for an NBA contract for a first round draft pick for the NBA. My law firm was representing the draft pick. Part of what we were asking for was time off so he could attend the birth of his child.
Our teacher, the mega awesome Ray Yasser (who literally wrote the book on th' subject), loves to role play. As part of our negotiation exercise, he assumed the role of our client "Pablo," the first round draft pick. Pablo is a simple, easygoing, non-flashy guy. Pablo explained that he wasn't asking to take weeks off to care for a child, but that he really wanted/needed to be there for the actual birth.
In the course of our negotiations, we got to this provision. My law firm side was trying to convey the idea that we needed time off, but that we wouldn't be asking for weeks off. One of the guys on the other side cracked, "This better not be during the playoffs," and his buddy immediately quipped, "Are you willing to induce labor?" I considered this in poor taste, but thought it was kinda funny, as long as they weren't serious. See - that's a big part of my sense of humor - say weird stuff that's off the wall. So, as long as they were kidding, I would find it funny.
The other guys on my side then responded to the joke saying, "He only gets one day off. 24 hours. No more."
I responded by asking, with some incredulity, "So, like, if his wife goes into labor at 3 AM he only gets until 3 AM the following day?" and they said, "Yeah, she's not allowed to be in labor for more than 24 hours."
Just then, a woman from another law firm overheard us and said, "Typical men! I can't believe you" blah, etc. and I immediately turned crimson from embarrassment. I was equally upset at the guys for making those jokes, and for the whole "men think this" thing.
See, I have a BIG problem with the whole women are sensitive/men aren't and all the Mars-Venus crap and this stereotypicality that the culture continually shoves down our throats. It's part of the reason why I can't stand "comedies" like Everybody Loves Raymond, Yes, Dear, According to Jim et al. Although, I mainly can't stand them because they aren't funny. (Somehow, Home Improvement is an exception to this rule for me, mostly because Tim Allen is charming and funny.)
I grew up mostly around women and am very, very comfortable around women. And I'm very comfortable expressing my emotions, for the most part.
Another thing is I hate knee-jerk reactions to taboo words/phrases without considering the reactions behind them. I am, concurrently, very sensitive to context, and won't say things which most people find offensive. But I find the idea of combatting societal ills by shushing people a lazy, uncreative and overly dogmatic way of addressing a problem. We're just painting a new coat on rotting wood if we think this solves anything. My point? If I'm truly a sexist, me not saying stuff about women in labor won't change the fact that I'm sexist. On the other hand, laughing at a joke doesn't make me a sexist.
I wanted to tell everyone to shut the fuck up (again, a rare instance of swear word in blog - apologies), our unwelcome critic included. Of course, I'd have to spend so much time explaining myself for the outburst that I chose to contain it.
So, the moral of the story: if you really want to piss me off, talk about stereotypical differences between the genders (or any social groups for that matter) as if they were the gospel truth.
Geez, I didn't realize how upset I was until I sat down to write this right now.
posted by Austin @ 10:56 PM
2 Comments:
I meant to comment on this a while ago, but then I caught a cold and got distracted. Anyway, here it is, finally.
My mom and I were talking about this the other day, about how it seems like there is a tendency in our culture to make fun of men in this way - demeaning them as stupid and insensitive, or as "idiot slobs," - someone who would never be able to get by without a woman to help them along. I think that's a common theme in the sitcoms you named - blundering, socially inept husband relies on much smarter, kinder, more thoughtful, and improbably hot wife to help get them out of whatever zany situation arose when the well-meaning but basically dumb-as-a-box-of-hammers husband did whatever stupid thing it was he did this week. My mom and I both feel that it does a real disservice to men to portray them this way, and I agree with you that it's not funny.
The other thing about that portrayal that I realized later is that it's also doing a disservice to women, by basically sending the message that no matter how smart and kind and wonderful you are, the best you can hope to find in a mate is a stupid but well-meaning "typical male," who will probably take the money that was supposed to be used for the kids' piano lessons and instead buy beer with it. And I realize they're just sitcoms and all, but it does seem like there's a real tendency to take the relationship between a man and a woman and turn it in to the relationship between all men and all women.
I hate the Mars-Venus stuff, too, and I think it's because (as I understand it) it basically does the same thing, by sending the message that this is the way for all women to relate to all men, and vice versa. I know that we do get a lot of messages from society about how women are supposed to be, and how men are supposed to be, and that those lessons do make (in general!) for some personality differences between men and women. But I think looking at it on that level is why there are tensions between men and women, and why a woman can be disgusted at what she sees as typical male behavior and why a man can be mystified at inexplicable female behavior. In an ideal world, I think there would be no "typical" male or female behavior, and each person would relate to every other person as an individual first. Unfortunately, I think it's extremely unlikely that's going to happen any time soon.
Anyway, apparently I get kind of upset about this, too, because this comment got kind of out of control. I apologize for hijacking your journal!
I quote the "Chapelle's Show" skit when Dave impregnates Oprah. Just as Oprah is giving birth, Dave realizes he is not the father when the baby comes out with the head of Dr. Phil and says:
"Women are smart. Men are stupid."
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